Midnight? Try 3:36 am which is precisely what time I woke up and realized yet again that while my entire household sleeps, I cannot. Two four-year olds, my darling husband, my loyal Schnauzer, even the new 5-month old Yorkshire terrier on her first night in our home lay in deep slumber. I am listening to the symphony of their breathing, snores and quiet wheezes, the life breath of my family. Even though I know I should be fast asleep with them, that tomorrow there will be Hell to pay because a poor night of sleep for a mother of two active young children is a recipe for disaster, I honestly can't help myself.
Dare I say it? I love my family intensely always - but they are so much easier to love when they are sleeping.
When they are in sweet slumber, I can pretend that I am the perfect mother, wife, and dog-lover. All needs at the present time, in this magical late-night instance, have been met. I need not feel guilty for buying my kids hoagies for dinner because I was too tired to cook another meal, or for responding to my husband with an ill temper because I am overwhelmed by work and household chores, or for not taking my patiently loyal dog for a walk (yet again). I once heard a fantastically hippie-dippy speaker once say, "You don't need to change anything in your life to be happy right now, right this instance." Yeah right, buddy. Tell that to my waistline and my bank account.
But here, in the quiet and calm darkness amidst those whom I love the most, I can see how his words ring true. I know it will be a different story when the dawn comes and the first streaks of sunlight penetrating the darkness will beckon me to the kitchen to whittle away through the litany of to do's that roust me every morning before my mind is flooded with the rest of the day's chores, worries, and responsibilities. But for now I am at peace. I am so incredibly grateful for my beloveds. I am happy.
